This Carers Week, we spoke to carers with experience of looking after a loved one with addiction.
Garry’s son Darren struggled with alcohol for most of his adult life.
“I knew alcohol was a symptom of his mental health problems,” Garry said. “Trying to get him help consumed my life.”
Darren went to rehab which didn’t help.
Garry said: “He could do detox standing on his head. He would tell them exactly what they wanted to hear, say it had been a success and would be drinking two days later.
“He would tell me he’d changed his ways and would just start again.”
The family struggled to get Darren help with mental health services when he was drinking. Garry believes getting mental health support would have helped with his alcohol addiction.
Darren was diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD, something Garry said was a relief.
“It was great to get a diagnosis as we thought it meant we were getting somewhere. Darren had been self-medicating for years, using alcohol to deal with his mental health.
“Co-occurring addictions are a thing. The mental health issue is the cause, the symptom is the addiction.”
Garry said he struggled to see how things could get any worse.
“Darren felt awful at how his addiction affected everyone else. He hated that he was addicted to alcohol and that he was a burden.”
Up to three months before Darren died, he was functioning well.
Garry said: “He was an electrician and highly regarded at work but in the background, he was a complete mess.”
It had been agreed with the mental health team that Darren needed therapy and would do a home detox with the help of his dad.
Unfortunately, they never got there. Darren died before the therapy started. He was just 33.
“After Darren died, I thought I could either blame everyone and complain or try to do something positive,” Garry said.
“I thought doing something positive would be better for my own mental health and for my family.”
Garry’s advice for those working in mental health services is to show empathy.
“We needed empathy and compassion, not someone who would make Darren feel worthless. You just want someone to put their arm around you and say it’s alright.
“Often people who are unwell don’t engage but don’t write them off.”
Garry had support from Recovery Steps Cumbria and Cumbria Addictions Advisory Service (CADAS), something he says he found really helpful.
For carers, he advises learning as much as you can.
“Increase your knowledge about mental health, addictions and what support is available. Learn about suicide awareness and how to communicate with people struggling with their mental health.”